There's a dragon in my bedroom. Over there, around the corner, second door on the left. He (or she) is in there right now, lying on my bed, waiting for me. Waiting while I sit here, on the couch, staring at the television. It's not even turned on, I'm just staring at the blank screen. The dragon doesn't know that, though. At least, I don't think he knows. Or she. I don't guess it makes much difference. It's not coming out, and I'm going to have to go back there and deal with it eventually. Probably. Eventually. Maybe.

The dragon has been in my bedroom for quite awhile. I can't remember when it first moved in. At least a few months ago, if not more. Like I said, it's been there awhile. But, at first, it wasn't on my bed. It started off in the closet, like most monsters do. Then it crept behind my dresser. Then under my desk. It stayed there for a few months, at least. Then, I think, it left. Maybe dragons go on vacation, I don't know. I never thought to ask. Anyway, it left. Some other creatures took its place. A yeti. A vampire. I think, at one point, there was even some sort of evil badger.

They all left eventually, though. And, for a few days, I thought I'd finally have some peace and quiet. But no. The dragon returned. It snuck in, under my bed, while I was distracted by who knows what. And now, it's not even hiding. It's there, on top of my bed, waiting for me.

I don't really know what to think about it. I mean, what do you think about a dragon in your bedroom? On the one hand, I'm scared. I'd have to be crazy not to be. You'd be scared too, if there was a dragon on your bed. On the other hand, it's sort of exciting. I don’t have much experience with dragons. It might be kind of fun. Maybe we could have some nice conversations or play checkers or do whatever it is a dragon does in his (or her) spare time. Or, perhaps, it's one of those types of dragons, the kind who always insist on being difficult, so you end up fighting and somebody eventually somebody turns up dead. It might be kind of fun, though, fighting a dragon. Adds a bit of excitement to your life, you know? Of course you don't. You don't have a dragon in your bedroom. Right?

Oh, what am I thinking? It's a dragon! It's got huge, sharp teeth, an thick, scaly hide, and it breathes fire! At least, I think it does. I've never actually seen it. Well, there was that one time. But that was just its tail. I think. That may have been a lamp. I guess I could be wrong. But really, do I want to take that chance? Dragons aren't the sort of thing to be taken lightly.

I mean, even the thought of it terrifies me. Thinking that there's a dragon a few steps away, on my bed, reading my books and playing my video games. It's enough to drive a guy mad. No one else seems to think much of my dragon. "Oh, it's not that bad," they say. "I've got a pet iguana, he's nice enough. Sweet too," they tell me. "You're overreacting; just go in there and say hi, you'll be fine," they croon. Well they're not the ones with a dragon in their bedroom!

Well, maybe some of them do. I've heard stories about people and their dragons. Some people have never seen a dragon. Some people pretend to get along with their dragons, but are secretly afraid of being eaten at any moment. And some people have the audacity to actually enjoy being with a dragon. It's a dragon, for Bob's sake! At any moment it's likely to take a really big breath and cover you in flames. And then where will you be? Running around, screaming, wondering why on earth you ever associated with a dragon in the first place. They're dangerous, dragons.

Of course, my dragon could be different. Not all dragons are the same. At least, I don't think they are. I've never actually seen my dragon. To be honest, I'm not even sure it is a dragon. It might be a lizard or a really ugly kitten. But I'm positive it's a dragon. Certain. No doubt in my mind. Well, maybe on or two. But I’m still pretty sure. I think…

I guess I could go and check. Peep inside, take a look. That's a bit risky though, don't you think? I mean, what if it really is a dragon. And a mean one at that! I might be burnt to a cinder, right on the spot. No, for now, I think I'll just sit here, on my couch, watching a blank television. Yes, that sounds nice. And peaceful. And ever so pleasant…

But what if the dragon comes to me? What if he (or she) gets hungry for some kind of snack or has to go to the bathroom, and we have one of those awkward moments together. Awkward moments with a dragon have got to be worse than awkward moments with an evil badger. Evil badgers don't breathe fire. Hmm. Maybe I need some sort of plan, in case the dragon gets bored. That's it! I'll get a fire extinguisher! Or at least a water balloon. Better than nothing, right?

But what if it catches me asleep? Oh dear. I really don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I should just march in there right now and set things straight. You know, go on the attack! Let surprise be on my side. But then the dragon may be waiting for me... Maybe it has some sort of trap attached to the door, or perhaps a friend with a baseball bat who'll creep up behind me. I wouldn't put it past a dragon. He and that yeti might be plotting together at this very moment. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

There's simply nothing to be done. I can't stay here, I can't go in, I can't do anything without something going wrong! So I sit here on my couch, terrified because I have no idea what to do, and I'm not even sure if there really is a dragon in there. I bet he (or she) knows it too. He (or she) is probably laughing himself to pieces, and there's nothing I can do about it. Absolutely nothing.

Oh, I do hate dragons.