I say.

1.
I cannot hear for you.
I cannot comprehend for two.
I cannot tell you things I cannot say.
I can only hope and pray
And wish you understand.
Understand my words, my eyes, my heart beat
Ing a rhythm of desire to adamantly declare the words that cannot be.
Cannot be.
Cannot but be thought, words that are not words, but feeling,
Spoken in every syllable in dialects of love I wish you knew.

I wish you knew.

2.
Why don't you listen?
I tell you every day.
Every hour.
With every breath, I scream it, hurl it at you with a force sure to tear down your walls.
Certain to bring them down.
Without a doubt.
Without a doubt repelled.

Why don't you listen?
It is impossible to say.
Impossible to speak in anything but a fantasy of your creation.
I cannot make you understand.
I cannot hear for you.
I cannot comprehend for two.
I cannot. Will not. Should not.

3.
I am a right to remain silent.
I am a right to use against you.
I am a right to your protection,
A right way to a wrong conclusion.
A wrong delusion.

But what delusion isn't?
Isn't not have never will should cannot be is was wasn't.
I protect you. I shield you from a future we will both regret.
Would both regret.

I'm your protector.
Your shield.
To hide behind, hide before, speaking through muffled shrieks of repressed, depressed, duressed desire.
I am your saint of silence.
Your mute messiah.
Your tacit misunderstanding.
I protect you from promises you would not keep:
Til death do us part
Sooner.
Or later.
The Late.
Already there.

4.
Did Walt Whitman sing himself to sleep?
Did he love himself?
Only himself?
Did Walt Whitman ever dream himself alone?

I do not sing.
I speak.
To myself.
There is no you.
There is a they.
But never a you.
You would have tied me down.
You would have kept me talking,
Kept me walking in this world until I went hoarse and croaked.
I do not want to die a mime.
When the voices scream at me, my voice will be the loudest.
My voice will be the judge, jury, elocutioner.
With no one to talk to but myself, I can stop the conversation.
I can say "Good day" and mean "Good night."
"Sleep well."

Rest in peace.

5.
Do any of you know what this means?
Do you know what I intend?
Do you read between the lines?
Around the lines?
Through the lines?
I cannot hear for you.
I cannot comprehend for two.
For you.
The you that should not never be.

My dialogue turned monologue turned epilogue.

I say I love you.
Do you understand?
Do you hear?
Do you hear what

I say.

Please.

If I hang myself from the tallest tree,
Who'll be left to cry for me?
Who'll be left to weep dry tears?
Who'll be left to count the years
Of delusionary, imaginary, spiteful frightful so delightful aged undertakings?

They grow old too, those youthful souls,
Of shining faces, running races against the time

We thought we'd live forever.

We had a tacit understanding, you and I,
That we would simply never die.
I'd get old, and yes it's true,
I'd go on to marry you
And sleep my days from dusk to dawn
Stifling every dawning yawn
As our flirts and daring fawns
Faded, jaded, go going gone
Raided by the tears
Of years
Of jeers
And fears
Dawning, dawning, dawning
In our ever-twinkling-eyes.

Fortunately, for me and you,
I hid and watched as you walked through
The gates of oppurtunity.
I tipped my hat, as you passed by,
And though I wonder why why why
I won't haven't not regret you're gone.

I watch as others take The Leap,
Venture hard and venture deep,
Playing for thrills and kills to keep
The dead alive.

I dare not risk, I dare not try,
For I know you'll age, decay, and die
And cry cry cry on my be-my-better-half.

It will not, won't not, shall not do,
So glance, and sigh, and glide right by
You errant dream, you vagabeautiful desire.

False prophetess, I want to believe you.
I want to believe your exhilarating cries of passion
Your patience and mercy, mercy me
(Things are not what they should be)
Your daring bravado, leading me astray.
I want to believe you'll

Lavish me with kisses, as I stroke your long dark hair,
Waltz with my best wishes, as our souls and bodies bare.
I'll love you, and you'll love me, and oh so happy we both shall be
Because it's just one morbid, sordid, triteful fantasy.

I once knew your religion. Then I learned the rules.
I learned the cost and benefits.
The pros
The cons
I believe.

But I defy.

For those who fail first have to try.
But if I fear failure, I am terrified by success.
So why cause so much duress?
Why despoil, destroy, distress
Over things that won't not please you?

Won't never please me.

Go ahead and try.

Please.