Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Fiction

I went for a walk today. I was strolling along when I spotted a bird. A regular bird, not gray or blue or brown like you see in the movies. This one was normal. I said, "Hello" to the ball of neon pink fuzz that was staring right back at me. It responded with a few obscenities I'd rather not contemplate, and then flew onto an overhead water pipe. The drip, drip, drip of electricity resonated with a sonorous rhythm matched only by the sonic boom you commonly hear in black holes. In fact, I looked around to make sure no black holes were nearby when suddenly the bird let out a cry of elation. It was electrocuted on the spot, dead as a headless worm. I almost cried. I would have, if I hadn't been electrocuted as well. I never felt more alive than that last instant. My corpse returned home, but it forgot to close the gate so the dog got out. The dog knew the way home, so it wouldn't be returning this way if it had any say in the matter. I was glad it had finally obtained freedom. Really, I was. That tear? A tear of joy. Odd, how corpses cry. I've never seen a happy cadaver. Until today.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

The Dream, pt 2

I lay in my bed as I watch the sun rise for the last time. I always enjoyed watching the sunrise. It brings such a feeling of hope and rejuvenation knowing that a brand new day with infinite possibilities has just begun. But today, I know I shall never see another sunrise again.

The disease has been eating away at me for quite some time now. I don't know what the doctors call it; I let Luci take care of all that nonsense. He seems to want to fix it, but I know it is my time. My sun rose to its apex many years ago, and now I'm content to take my place among the stars.

Ah, memories. I may be old, but I still have quite a few! Running along as a wee girl in the tall fields of grass. Mother used to get so angry when I came home with such dirty feet! She always told me, "Annali, don't you get your Sunday shoes muddy! You need to learn some respect for your belongings!" Well, I'm proud to say those shoes stayed spotless! On the wall next to the creek whiled my feet were happily skipping in the mud far away.

And then there was that day, under the big shade tree... I had so many worries back then! Find a job. No, find a husband and he can find a job! No, go to school! No, raise a family! Heh, that boy sure put things in perspective though. What was his name? Edgar, Allan, something like that... It's been so long. But oh, I still remember that first kiss!

To think, I was once young. "Old Anna" the children call me now. I don't mind, they may have their videogames and their rap music, but most of them seem like nice enough people at heart. We all have our rebellions. Mother absolutely refused to let me go to that political rally, I remember that quite clearly. "It's no place for a woman!" she exclaimed. But I went, and when I was able I voted. I don't know how much good it did, but it certainly felt liberating!

Dear me, I had so many dreams back then. I wanted to blaze trails, go where no woman had ever dared go before! The War put those thoughts out of my head. It showed me how grizzly and crude the real world could be. It wasn't the place for my type of people. Ah well. Countries and humanity go through the same phases as people, I suppose.

But even though I never did follow those dreams, I've had a nice life. I found my niche, and it fit me quite well. The life of a schoolteacher is arduous at times, but I wouldn't trade it to the Queen. Those little tykes could be such a handful, but it was worth it! I never could quite explain why, but seeing those children scampering around at recess while I chased after them trying to get the boys to stop pulling the girl's hair and trying to teach the girls all the jump rope tricks I used to know when I was a girl just filled me with so much energy and a joy that seemed too good for me. They soon thought I was old, even way back then!

I sometimes regret not having more children of my own. Lucifer's been a fine son, certainly. I'm so proud of him. Even little Azandrias, his daughter, is growing up to be quite the poet. My, my she's not little at all anymore! I keep forgetting she's already about to finish college. It just doesn't seem possible! It's a shame I can't see her married, though. I'm sure she'll make some unsuspecting chap very happy. Or very sad, if her poetry is any indication.

I don't know what to make of my descendants. Luci was always embarrassed at my outgoing antics. He was always studying or learning or trying to improve himself. I wanted him to go out and play, but he said, "fun is fleeting, but knowledge is forever" or some such nonsense. And now Azandrias seems to only want to bemoan the horrible state of affairs the world has fallen into. She's always trying to convince me the world's in an awful state. I suppose she'll try to change things, but I don't think it's all that bad. I still enjoy it. You can't steal away the simple pleasures of life so easily. Nature in all her glory!

My goodness, look at the time! It's almost six PM! I must have dozed off between my reminiscing, else I'd have seen the doctor or Luci by now. Not that they can help or change anything. I wouldn't want them to if they could.

There's another sigh! I'm not really sad, though. I've no regrets. I've led a life any sane person would dream of having. It's been fascinating, in its own mundane way. People just can't appreciate their everyday lives anymore. They can't make the best of the current situation, they always have to dream of the best situation and regret not having it. I say the places may not be possible, but the feelings sure are! Ah, here's Lucifer now.

"Mother, how are you feeling? I'm afraid the doctor's prognosis is rather grim..."

He still hasn't accepted my death as the natural course. Oh, he knows it is. But I think I serve as sort of a shield to him from himself. I do hope he'll be all right... He's had such a troubled life. The poor thing's been divorced twice, has trouble keeping a job (he doesn't respond well to the "teeming hordes of idiots" who apparently plague our blessed earth. The wrong ones never bothered me, just the antagonistic ones). But I hold no grudges.

"Oh, my dear boy, I'm fine. My time's come, that's all. I-"

I cough, that's what I do. It's never fun being sick, but one can't focus on the negatives.

"I... Son, I've some words that I'd meant to share with you long ago. I should have, but I always thought you wouldn’t take them seriously. I-"

I cough again.

"I wrote them down on that sheet on paper by the bed stand. I'd like you to ... read them aloud. And know that I always love you."

Lucifer goes over to the table and picks the paper up. He begins to read, and I think I just notice a tear going down his cheek. The big softy...

"Enjoy
My dearest son, it now appears, my time is nearly through.
My race is run, my soul's worn out, I fear I must leave you.
But do not lament my passing, I've lived a wondrous life.
And the secret I’ll tell you now, to help you through your strife.

Enjoy, my child, enjoy, enjoy, Enjoy this great, grand world!
Enjoy the stars, enjoy the sea, and sail with sails unfurled!
Enjoy the song that life does sing, for Nature's hard, but wise.
Enjoy Her wonders, great and small, from set to each sunrise.

Make every moment always better than the one before.
Enjoy each dish that life serves up and always ask for more.
No matter where you go in life, no matter what you do,
Enjoy the people, places, and things, and they'll enjoy you too.

All the worries, all the cares will only bring you down.
Swim for the wrong reasons, and you'll find you always drown.
You must enjoy the nectar that each second can always bring.
You simply have to look for each joy of which I sing.

Life is not a challenge, it's not a task or test;
Life is meant to be enjoyed, don't worry about the rest!
So when you slip and stumble, please don't cry my boy.
Just laugh and keep on going, relax and just enjoy."

The sun set. 

Thursday, June 17, 2004

The Dream, pt 1

Thus as abruptly as we are created, we are left alone. Left astray in a sea of cast off thoughts, urges invisible to the conscious eye, and the dregs and apexes of the human experience. But we Three Fools are more than vagrant emotions. We are the philosophies: grounded, characterized, and purposed. We are trapped in cages of definition. We are not subject to passing whims or fancies, but are the ones who must face them. We control the spiritual, mental, and psychological. We are the heart, mind, and subconscious.

Created in a passing dream, spawn of a crazed mind. But such are all dreams. Dreams are but reflections of the unconstrained self, completely free. Free of logic, free of repression, free of reality. But freedom is violent. Consciously emotions are repressed, for unbridled they would consume the physical form, imploding, exploding, and destroying the body, leaving only a soul to dissolve on the winds of time.

We are the protectors. We are the buffer between order and chaos, freedom and constraint, morality and hedonism. Even though we are often agents of those that we seek to control, combined we are strong. Combined we are compromise. Combined we succeed.

Separate we fail. Separate we are nothing more than conduits for despair, euphoria, and apathy. We become a revolving door of insanity, each allowing only one untempered ray of the spectrum through our bias lens, limiting but at the same time overwhelming. Separate we destroy, together we preserve.

Separate we are perfect. Separate we have no disputes, we have no discrepancies, we have no conflicts. Separate we are pure, unadulterated explosions. Separate we are beautiful. Combined, we are imperfection. Combined we are flawed. Combined we are an olla podrida of humanity. Combined we form a vaccination against disease of heart, mind, and soul.

Combined we are fools. We may still be tricked and deceived. We may be replaced by rotten diamonds, ostensibly superior, but inwardly fatal.

Thus we must bend, but not break. We must compromise and together evolve into an impossible ideal.

That is our goal.
That is our purpose.
That is our dream.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

The Statue

An architect one night awoke from a dreadful dream.
The man had thought he’d seen his world as it should never seem.
A world of fallen Angels with joy washed away by time.
A world devoid of happiness; reason with no rhyme.
An ugly world, a corrupt world where no light would ere shine through.
A world devoid of beauty, shaded black but never blue.

So the architect jumped up and cried, “This world just cannot be!
To fix this task requires a man, an artist such as me!
I’ll make a statue better than all that came before.
A work of so much beauty, no one could ask for more.
A masterpiece of sadness, a triumph of so much joy;
A testament to Man and Hope and Every girl and boy!”

Thus he at once began his work on this monument so grand
And sought out the best materials and men throughout the land.
He found the greatest sculptor who could craft curves smooth as silk.
He bought 10 tons of marble whiter than whitest milk.
He hired the most skilled craftsmen to construct the monstrous scheme,
And finally he’d at last assembled his majestic team.

He devised a fleet of Angels, all beautiful and pure,
To stand for Hope and Beauty and to serve as mankind’s cure.
Some smiled, inspiring rapture; others sighed and sadness filled.
Some loved and laughed and died and cried; forgave but never killed
All that humans could become, the quintessential Man.
Such a work so grand and strong was the architect’s great plan.

But it wasn’t “meant to be.”
The sculptor was not sober,
The marble wasn’t free.
The craftsmen was one guy called “Moe”
Who worked for food and lived below
The bridge next to the architect’s cardboard shack.

The architect still planned and schemed
On charcoal sketches by polluted streams,
And the two men built a mound of dirt
Like that little Cupid squirt,
But his eyes were crossed
And his wings broken, merely stumps.

The mock-angel had a bow of plastic
And an arrow that was aluminum foil
From a meal less than fantastic
That the patrons of some restaurant had
Thrown Away
Onto the wretched, trash-strewn soil.

When it was finished, Moe died
Of a broken heart
Vessel and no one cried
Except the cupid and the architect. In the
Rainstorm of tears
The cupid was torn apart
And became the
Debris and a pile of mud
That it always was.

And the architect,
His plan a wreck,
Went back to sleep
Never to build or dream or fly or sing
Again
Sleeping on the dissipated ruins of
Cupid’s wing.

And then in sleep another nightmare of futures hence
Caused the god to bolt upright and at once commence
In crafting a wondrous beauty like the world had never seen
Ignoring verisimilitudes of a reality too mean.