It's true.
So you want to know what's what?
Learn how to play some mean putt-putt?
Figure out the way to make a penguin fly?
Well, I can tell you how to alchematize
Your humdrum life before your eyes
But someday you'll have to realize
It ain't just the truth that hurts.
Baby, let me be your super ego!
Let me tell you right from wrong
Tie your blues
And sing your shoes
Cause, baby, it's been too long
There's evil afoot
And it's after my sole!
You say you got a weight upon your shoulders?
Holdin' the world up by yo' self?
Well, honey, I got the solution in my cellar
A nice, antique cardboard shelf.
So put up that globe
And watch it aallll fall down.
What's that you say 'bout physics?
Maybe Atlas didn't look for strings.
Well, ya know, he's a deep thinker
Thinkin' bout all sorts of things
Mullin' over something bigger
Ponderin' about the gap
Twixt our planet and our psyches
(Or perhaps he took a nap)
You still want to make your ice hot?
Raise Ol' Yeller from the dead?
Well, darlin', I couldn't tell ya
What you ought to do instead.
Who's afraid of the dark?
This little light of mine
He's surely gonna shine
Gonna blindside you
Right back where you belong.
Still need to know the secret?
Honey, come back to the shade
Starin' at suns, it's bad for business!
'Sides, yo' entrance fee's been paid.
You're in the door
Don't worry 'bout no key.
But still you want to know the reason
Still you need to know the way
Well, sugah, I got that answer
It's like my momma used to say:
Once, there lived a man in a nondescript house on a street of medium length.
The man worked as a tollbooth operator thirty-nine and a half hours a week.
He had Tuesdays off and three children.
He died at the age of seventy two.
Once, there was a man
Who lived in a nondescript house
Cause he didn't need no attention
To the plans he made.
Spent his life opening doors
To places you couldn't dream.
Six day a week, he'd pour
His heart into the wind.
And on the seventh day of rest
He commanded armies to save the world
Wrote symphonies and sonnets
About the ones who got away.
But he wasn't a bitter guy
Found a gal and, on the fly,
Raised himself some soldiers close to home.
And after he done lived awhile
He decided he'd had his fill
So he opened one last door
And walked right through.
Still want to find that money tree?
Climb the Big Rock Candy Mount?
Well, sunshine, you're on the right way
Just keep on what you're about.
I knew this fella'
Used to ride a unicorn to work
I always asked him where he parked it
He'd just say
"Out back."
I never did find that stable
(Good thing yetis park themselves)
Sometimes, I look next door
And see the Jones' AllYouCanEatatron 5000
Next to their Intellifence
Behind the Shrubberglee's
Which obscure the Sexaseals
Covering the Port-alls
To their summer homes
And winter castles
The fiefs of which send them crops
Of friends and fame
Yearround.
Their ambrosia garden's produce
Is donated entirely to orphans around the world.
They're even honest about their taxes.
Now, the Jones are quite nice people
Reliable
Principled
Funnier than you would not believe
Always there for a pal in need
(And everyone's a pal of theirs).
I have them over every once in awhile
To my earthen igloo with reinforced
Aluminum can siding.
They also help me decide
Where to donate my leftover asparagus
'Cause sometimes I run out of lettuce
Before the year's through.
Sometimes they ask me about envy
I tell 'em
"Don't worry. Y'all be happy someday, too."
I do so love to see folks smile...
You want to steal a zebra's stripes?
Cleanse your soul with babywipes?
Friend, don't drive yourself berserk
Because someday you'll make it work.
Some guys have to know exactly what's going to happen
at every single minute of every single day
so they can prepare for the next moment
which will be used to prepare for tomorrow
which will be spent preparing for next thursday
when the surgeon general is releasing
his second album
complete with all the footnotes and antidotes
a man needs to know to keep his mind at ease.
This is the story of Hobo Joe.
Hobo Joe wore tin foil
Instead of sunscreen
Hobo Joe never went outside
During a full moon
He saw a werewolf
Ask him about the time
And he says he ain't got it
Too few things to do
And not enough ways
To protect oneself
From the onset of paralysis
Take two tablets every six hours
Hobo Joe was worried
He might get stomach cancer
Or an ulcer
Of some malevolent form
Which would disrupt his tennis games
With Hobo Flo
He would check every meal
For uncertain discrepancies
In composition
Similar
But not limited to
Pennies and happenstance
One day
Hobo Joe won
A million dollars
He doesn't remember
How he ever managed
Without it
I couldn't tell you
You're saying that you want to raise
An island called Atlantis?
I can't say I know the name
But I'm optimistic of your chances.
Where art thou, my love?
Where art thou, my steady?
My bedbuddy
Bestfriend with all the benefits
Only bestfriends can have.
So where are you, love?
I'm worried.
Don't have a picture to show the police
Can't describe your pretty face
So it's just a race
Against the time
We might have lived forever
If you hadn't forgotten to pick up the milk
On the way home from Church.
I'm worried.
Worried that you went searching for a gallon
And found a cow
That steered you in the wrong direction
Away from home.
I've fallen
And I won't get up
Without you.
Nevermind.
I left the oven on.
Still looking for that pot of gold?
Maybe some magic beans?
I'm telling you what I've been told:
It's there, just keep digging.
Directions to El Dorado?
Turn left at the second stoplight.
Look for the giant golden gates on your right.
You can't miss it.
And so you worry every day
You hide under the covers
Of darkness but you can't see enough, so you need to know
Who's the better man always getting you envious of the way
You feel guilty for
Everything doesn't turn out like it should
You have turned at the first light instead?
You want to live a life that's good?
Do unto others as you should?
Find somebody to hold you tight?
Someone who'll love you wrong or right?
Not worry about that Final Day?
Find happiness and make it stay?
Me too.
It's hard, but trust me:
You'll never be alone
Even when the sun finally does go down.
If it makes us happy
Just believe
It doesn't matter
Whether or not
It's true.
Learn how to play some mean putt-putt?
Figure out the way to make a penguin fly?
Well, I can tell you how to alchematize
Your humdrum life before your eyes
But someday you'll have to realize
It ain't just the truth that hurts.
Baby, let me be your super ego!
Let me tell you right from wrong
Tie your blues
And sing your shoes
Cause, baby, it's been too long
There's evil afoot
And it's after my sole!
You say you got a weight upon your shoulders?
Holdin' the world up by yo' self?
Well, honey, I got the solution in my cellar
A nice, antique cardboard shelf.
So put up that globe
And watch it aallll fall down.
What's that you say 'bout physics?
Maybe Atlas didn't look for strings.
Well, ya know, he's a deep thinker
Thinkin' bout all sorts of things
Mullin' over something bigger
Ponderin' about the gap
Twixt our planet and our psyches
(Or perhaps he took a nap)
You still want to make your ice hot?
Raise Ol' Yeller from the dead?
Well, darlin', I couldn't tell ya
What you ought to do instead.
Who's afraid of the dark?
This little light of mine
He's surely gonna shine
Gonna blindside you
Right back where you belong.
Still need to know the secret?
Honey, come back to the shade
Starin' at suns, it's bad for business!
'Sides, yo' entrance fee's been paid.
You're in the door
Don't worry 'bout no key.
But still you want to know the reason
Still you need to know the way
Well, sugah, I got that answer
It's like my momma used to say:
Once, there lived a man in a nondescript house on a street of medium length.
The man worked as a tollbooth operator thirty-nine and a half hours a week.
He had Tuesdays off and three children.
He died at the age of seventy two.
Once, there was a man
Who lived in a nondescript house
Cause he didn't need no attention
To the plans he made.
Spent his life opening doors
To places you couldn't dream.
Six day a week, he'd pour
His heart into the wind.
And on the seventh day of rest
He commanded armies to save the world
Wrote symphonies and sonnets
About the ones who got away.
But he wasn't a bitter guy
Found a gal and, on the fly,
Raised himself some soldiers close to home.
And after he done lived awhile
He decided he'd had his fill
So he opened one last door
And walked right through.
Still want to find that money tree?
Climb the Big Rock Candy Mount?
Well, sunshine, you're on the right way
Just keep on what you're about.
I knew this fella'
Used to ride a unicorn to work
I always asked him where he parked it
He'd just say
"Out back."
I never did find that stable
(Good thing yetis park themselves)
Sometimes, I look next door
And see the Jones' AllYouCanEatatron 5000
Next to their Intellifence
Behind the Shrubberglee's
Which obscure the Sexaseals
Covering the Port-alls
To their summer homes
And winter castles
The fiefs of which send them crops
Of friends and fame
Yearround.
Their ambrosia garden's produce
Is donated entirely to orphans around the world.
They're even honest about their taxes.
Now, the Jones are quite nice people
Reliable
Principled
Funnier than you would not believe
Always there for a pal in need
(And everyone's a pal of theirs).
I have them over every once in awhile
To my earthen igloo with reinforced
Aluminum can siding.
They also help me decide
Where to donate my leftover asparagus
'Cause sometimes I run out of lettuce
Before the year's through.
Sometimes they ask me about envy
I tell 'em
"Don't worry. Y'all be happy someday, too."
I do so love to see folks smile...
You want to steal a zebra's stripes?
Cleanse your soul with babywipes?
Friend, don't drive yourself berserk
Because someday you'll make it work.
Some guys have to know exactly what's going to happen
at every single minute of every single day
so they can prepare for the next moment
which will be used to prepare for tomorrow
which will be spent preparing for next thursday
when the surgeon general is releasing
his second album
complete with all the footnotes and antidotes
a man needs to know to keep his mind at ease.
This is the story of Hobo Joe.
Hobo Joe wore tin foil
Instead of sunscreen
Hobo Joe never went outside
During a full moon
He saw a werewolf
Ask him about the time
And he says he ain't got it
Too few things to do
And not enough ways
To protect oneself
From the onset of paralysis
Take two tablets every six hours
Hobo Joe was worried
He might get stomach cancer
Or an ulcer
Of some malevolent form
Which would disrupt his tennis games
With Hobo Flo
He would check every meal
For uncertain discrepancies
In composition
Similar
But not limited to
Pennies and happenstance
One day
Hobo Joe won
A million dollars
He doesn't remember
How he ever managed
Without it
I couldn't tell you
You're saying that you want to raise
An island called Atlantis?
I can't say I know the name
But I'm optimistic of your chances.
Where art thou, my love?
Where art thou, my steady?
My bedbuddy
Bestfriend with all the benefits
Only bestfriends can have.
So where are you, love?
I'm worried.
Don't have a picture to show the police
Can't describe your pretty face
So it's just a race
Against the time
We might have lived forever
If you hadn't forgotten to pick up the milk
On the way home from Church.
I'm worried.
Worried that you went searching for a gallon
And found a cow
That steered you in the wrong direction
Away from home.
I've fallen
And I won't get up
Without you.
Nevermind.
I left the oven on.
Still looking for that pot of gold?
Maybe some magic beans?
I'm telling you what I've been told:
It's there, just keep digging.
Directions to El Dorado?
Turn left at the second stoplight.
Look for the giant golden gates on your right.
You can't miss it.
And so you worry every day
You hide under the covers
Of darkness but you can't see enough, so you need to know
Who's the better man always getting you envious of the way
You feel guilty for
Everything doesn't turn out like it should
You have turned at the first light instead?
You want to live a life that's good?
Do unto others as you should?
Find somebody to hold you tight?
Someone who'll love you wrong or right?
Not worry about that Final Day?
Find happiness and make it stay?
Me too.
It's hard, but trust me:
You'll never be alone
Even when the sun finally does go down.
If it makes us happy
Just believe
It doesn't matter
Whether or not
It's true.
posted by Ophelia at 2:29 AM
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